LoveBites

"MEN AND WOMEN IN BED"

2009-05-02T11:59:00.000-07:00

Men: The 17 Ways They Fail In Bed
1. SANDING: Pussy isn't an unfinished tabletop. You don't need to rub it till it bleeds, be gentle. Don't attack the clit with your fingers when you begin, it hurts! Stroke, fondle, treat it like it's fragile. When she starts to get pink, then have some fun.
2. TOUCH 'N' GO: When working your way down to pussy, don't kiss the tits and head south. There's an entire midsection that wants to be kissed and licked. Girls are ticklish in that area for a reason, use it to your advantage.
3. PORN TALK: Unless you're both feeling particularly nasty, porn talk is ridiculous. It isn't sexy, and unless you're with a prostitute, just shut up. They use porn talk on pornos because it's entertaining.
4. TOSSIN' SALADS: Shit comes out of it, our mouths aren't going anywhere near it. Don't expect girls to leap with joy when you ask her to stick her tongue where 'the sun don't shine'. guys will stick their cocks anywhere that's warm and moist, girls have some self respect.
5. TONGUES AREN'T 6" LONG: Unless you're Gene Simmons, save your energy for our clits. There's a reason most cocks are over 3" long, they feel better. Lick everything, we aren't limited to one main sexual organ like you saps. Everything feels good.
6. SLOBBER: Licking and wetness feel good, slobber doesn't. There's no reason we should be dripping with spit, just sweat.
7. VACUUMING: A little aggression and dominance is fun, but don't suck our face in when you kiss us. We love our lips and don't want them sucked off. Kissing style can make or break good sex. If a girl pulls away with a slobbery mouth and terrified look on her face, you aren't a good kisser.
8. SOCKS OFF: Take off your fucking socks! You can have our pants off in 0.03 seconds, can't you manage to pull the stinky rags off your feet?
9. DON'T HELP: If we're going down on you, don't put your hand on our head to guide us. It pisses us off. We have teeth. Be grateful you're getting head! If you want it done differently, just tell us.
10. THE MINUTE MAN: We're just being nice when we say its OK. It's not OK, get some fucking endurance. Jerk off ahead of time, think about your great-grandmother, whatever it takes, we deserve to be pleased too.
11. HANDS OF THE REMOTE: Don't roll over and reach for the remote when sex is done. If you don't feel like cuddling and talking afterwards, go jerk off. We just rolled around with your sweaty hairy ass, give us some attention.
12. PELVIC THRUST: If positioned in missionary, don't ram your pelvic bone into our legs. If you want to beat our uterus with your cock, do it doggy style. If you notice us cringing, there's a good chance it's from pain, not pleasure.
13. STUBBLE: Stubble burns hurts. If you think you're going to be lucky enough to get into our pants, shave your fucking face. If you have a beard, that's fine, they can be fun. But if you normally shave and you've got a shadow, get rid of it. It's as pleasurable as coarse sandpaper.
14. YOU'RE NOT 15: Don't give us bite marks or hickeys anywhere that aren't normally covered up with clothing. They were cool marks in school, but they look ridiculous on adults. You aren't marking your territory.
15. YOU'RE NOT #1: Don't assume you're good in bed. If we look bored, it's because we are, not because we're in mindless ecstasy. If you're just thrusting away to get yourself off, you suck in bed. If we say, "Ooh ooh, yeah that's good," you suck in bed. If we're shaking uncontrollably to the point of seizure, good job.
16. SWALLOW: You are what you eat. If you eat a lot of garlic and meat, your cum will taste like shit. Swallow it yourself sometime, don't expect us to swallow if you won't.
17. 3 AM POKE: We don't think it's cute or sexy when you poke us at 3 am for sex. There is plenty of time during waking hours for sex and we probably just fell asleep on account of your snoring.

Women: The 17 Ways They Fail In Bed
1. MILKING IT: When stroking a guy's dick don't grab it like a bus rail and start jerking it like you were milking a cow. Don't use the love sword as if it's a piece of gym equipment to strengthen the forearms. The male organ is a thing of wonder and beauty, and should be awed, worshipped and held tenderly at all times. The sensitive part is at the top (where your face should be), not two-thirds of the way down.
2. ROBOTS: When sucking a guy's dick don't just get on the end of the thing and jam your head back and forward. It's a beautiful instrument; it should be caressed, inspected, kissed and licked from every possible angle.
3. SILENT FRIGHT: If you've come and cannot be coerced to scream to show your appreciation, at least make some sort of sign to inform the guy that he's done his duty and can blow his biscuits whenever he wants.
4. NO LAUGHING MATTER: Don't laugh if your creative male lover gets carried away and says things like "Ride my hard cock you filthy cock-sucking slut" or "I want to rinse your mouth with my fresh, white love potion." Laughter at any aspect of the male performance will not enhance it. Just be grateful you've got a guy who can speak whole sentences.
5. CLOSING UP: If a man is willing to take the trouble to come on your face, don't close your eyes. He wants you to share this ecstatic moment of joyful union and love with him. Semen is not likely to cause permanent blindness in most cases - but this is a risk you should be prepared to take for his happiness.
6. POOR PRESENTATION: Presentation is all important. Don't wait to be asked to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present. You know you love it.
7. HANGING AROUND: When he is done, you should not kiss and cuddle, he does not want to touch you. You should leave the bed and leave him in peace. If you are a one-night stand you should leave the premises with out thieving anything or asking for a phone number. His work is done.
8. BEING SHY: Always offer the Hershey Highway. You know you love it. If you don't like it that much, still offer it as you can quite easily play with yourself as he rams away.
9. BEING A DRIP: You always have tissues in your bag, use them to clean his sheets and any ball bag drip page if you have misbehaved and not swallowed everything.
10. CLOCK-WATCHING: Never, ever, ever, ever even think of saying "Are you going to come soon." If you're doing a blowier, you'd have to take your mouth off to utter the question. If you're giving a hand-job, you should have gone to the gym to work your biceps. If he's shagging you and takes more than 10 minutes you should be grateful. This is not a time trial but a blissful act of union between two sexually and gifted human beings.
11. FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS: Don't ask him if you're the best lover he's ever had. Most men have had so many sexual partners that it is unlikely that you are. Please don't ask a man to lie about such an important thing.
12. PLAYING DEAD: Don't just lie there, do something. Good sex is not a spectator sport and it helps if both parties move around a bit. I know you expect the men to do all the hard and skillful work. We don't mind that and we're blessed with the equipment and know-how to do it but at least put some effort into the act to show your appreciation.
13. BEING POSSESSIVE: If you are lucky to have an imaginative lover who can satisfy two women at a time don't sneer at or reject his exciting suggestion that one of your friends joins you to make up a threesome. If he's a real man he's probably shagging her anyway. Plus you might learn something from her to keep your man really happy.
14. NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON: Don't shave all your pubic hair off. It makes your pussy look like a piece of poultry past its sell-by date. At best, it looks like the snatch of a ten-year-old. If you want to trim, go for a nice sexy racing stripe in the manner favored by the Playboy models that your man would rather be shagging.
15. SPITTING IT OUT: When a man has gone to so much trouble to ejaculate and get his aim right into your mouth, it is rude to spit it out without savoring the taste and gluey texture. You should play with semen like a block of Hubba Bubba, blowing bubbles, chewing and throwing from side to side. A line like "I love it when you come in my mouth" makes for a happy finale to fun and games.
16. INGRATITUDE: Never forget to thank a man for all the effort and energy he has expended on making love to you - especially if:
A) sex has lasted more than five minutes and/or:
B) you managed to achieve an orgasm. A man's role in sex is far more demanding than a woman's so it is always nice when one's prowess is appreciated.
17. SEEKING FAVORS: Never contemplate taking advantage of your man's warm after-sex glow to seek favors or make requests. As he drops off into well-deserved slumber, resist the urge to ask "Do you think I should buy that dress, skirt / sofa / Mercedes / country cottage?" There is a name for the practice of mixing sex with material gain - prostitution."

"THE ART OF KISSING"

2009-05-01T10:58:00.000-07:00

WHY PEOPLE KISS
What happens when a man and a woman kiss?
That is to say, what happens, to the various parts of the body when two people in love join their lips in
bliss? Years ago, before our biologists knew of the existence of the glands in our bodies, one writer
quoted a scientist as saying that "kissing is pleasant because the teeth, jawbones and lips are full of
nerves, and when the lips meet an electric current is generated."
What nonsense! what utter nonsense!
In the first place, two people kiss because they are satisfying, a hunger within them, a hunger that is as
natural as the hunger for-food, water and knowledge. It is the hunger of sex that drives them to each
other. After that, hunger has been satiated, then comes the hunger for a home, for children and for marital
happiness. This hunger is instinctive, that is, we are born with it, all of us, and we cannot learn it or
acquire it in any way.

WHY KISSING IS PLEASANT
Once this hunger for the opposite sex evidences itself, there occurs in the human body what is known as
tumescence which, in simple language, is the rhythmical contraction of the various muscles of the body
together with the functioning of certain glands, just which glands science has been unable to say
definitely. Gland specialists know, by performing certain operations, that the adrenal, the pituitary, the
gonad and certain other glands, control the sexual behavior of human beings. It is these glands that re-act,
that secrete what are known as hormones into the blood which, in turn, carries them into the various
organs effected by a sexual reaction.
Therefore, it can be seen that it is the partial satisfying of the sex-hunger that makes kissing pleasurable.'
Electricity is used for turning motors and lighting lamps and heating curling irons. But electricity 4oes
not give complete satisfaction to the kiss.
But enough of dry science!
We have ahead of us pleasurable reading of the bliss of the kiss. Now that we have learned why it is that
men and women kiss, let us go into the methods used in. kissing so as to derive the most satisfaction
from this most soul-appeasing of pleasures.

PREPARING FOR THE KISS
A paragraph back, we mentioned that the woman's lips were slightly parted when she awaited the lips of
her lover. There was a reason for using this description. Always, in any sort of kiss, just before the male's
lips settle onto the lips of his partner, the female's lips should be slightly parted. One reason for this is
that cherry-red lips serve as a charming frame for a row of gleaming, white, even teeth. The picture that
confronts the kisser is one that draws him onward. And even, months later, when he thinks back to the
kiss in the retrospect, he will remember that pretty little picture of the pearls of teeth nestling in their
frame of-cherries.
The deliciousness of a long-remembered kiss was beautifully expressed in a poem 'called, "Three
Kisses," in which occurred the verse:
I gently raised her sweet, pure face,
Her eyes with radiant, love sight filled.
That trembling kiss I'll ne'er forget
Which both our hearts with rapture filled.
Another reason for-parting the lips is that there is a definite gratification the male obtains from the
delicious odor that emanates from his loved one's mouth. John Secundus, in describing a kiss,. said - that
!& lover's kiss was like:
"... every aromatic breeze That wafts from Africa's spicy trees;"
The odor of a woman's hair can send shivers of joy coursing up and down a man's spine. The odor of her
body can convulse him with throes of passion. Odors are as necessary to love as is love, itself. That is
why it is so essential that the lips be parted just before the kiss. And that is why the breath should be kept
always sweet and pure so that, when the lips art opened, the breath will be like an "aromatic breeze."
Sometimes it is advisable to touch the corners of the mouth with perfume. But be certain that there is
only the faintest suggestion of an odor and no more. Another thing, lipstick is definitely out in the kiss,
because it comes off so readily. A very light coat of lipstick should be worn so that, when it does come
off, it will not serve to betray you. Similarly, the teeth should be kept cleaned and polished. Nothing can
dampen a young man's ardor, or a young woman's for that matter, than a row of brown-stained, unkempt
teeth.

DIFFERNT KINDS OF KISSES

THE VACUUM KISS
The Vacuum Kiss
This time, when your eager lips have been deposited on the eager lips of the girl, try to vary the kiss. For
instance' instead of using the soul kiss, try what is known as the "vac uum kiss." Here you start off by
first opening your mouth a. trifle just after you have been resting peacefully with closed lips. Indicate to
your partner, by brushing her teeth with the tip of your tongue, that you wish for her to do likewise. The
moment she responds, instead of caressing her mouth, suck inward as though you were trying to draw out
the innards of an orange. If she knows of this kiss variations your maid will act in the same way and
withdraw the air from your mouth. In this fashion, in a very short while, the, air will have been entirely
drawn out of your mouths. Your lips will adhere so tightly that there will almost be pain, instead of
pleasure. But it will be the sort of pain that is highly pleasurable. That may sound odd but, nevertheless,
it is a fact. Pain becomes so excruciating as to become pleasure. This subject will be gone into very
shortly in regard to what is known as the "bite kiss." But, at present let I us continue with the "vacuum
kiss."
This kiss must, of necessity, last a comparatively short time. There is tog rill4ch strain on the delicate
mouth tissues and the muscles tire very easily. It is .for that reason that this kiss should be shortened.
However, there is a special technique to be used to terminating it. When you decide that you have had
enough of it, don't suddenly tear your mouth away. At least, don't do it if there are other people present in
the house. For, they will become startled by the sound of a loud report which will result if you act
suddenly. Any vacuum when suddenly opened to air gives off a loud popping noise. The procedure is
simply to open first a comer of your mouth. You will hear a faint hissing sound when this is done.
Immediately, you will find the pressure in your mouth lessen. The muscles will relax. And a delicious
sense of torpor will creep over your entire body, giving it a lassitude that is almost beatific.

But that is not all.
To every large dinner, there is always added a dessert or a lagniappe which is a topping-off tid-bit of the
evening. The same should apply to the "vacuum kiss." The minute you release Your lips, lift them' away
from the tired lips of your lover. Then, without wasting a minute's time, gently, delicately, softly,
sensitively, oh so lightly, lower your pursed lips and place a tiny little kiss into the almost bruised lips of
the girl. It is this little act of sympathy and condolence that makes the tie between you all the more firm.
It tells the girl that you know how she feels and that you sympathize with her.
While resting from the joy-laden ardors of such a kiss, a few more variations are permissible and
advisable. There should never be a let-down in a kissing session. Every moment must be filled with
kisses. But they do not have to be kisses of the mouth. There are other kisses which, although they are
not as satisfying as the lip kisses, still serve to keep the blood burning.
THE "SPIRITUAL" KISS
For instance, there can be kisses exchanged merely in intense glances. A sort of "spiritual kiss." can pass
between the adoring eyes of a pair of lovers. The hot blooded Latin races know the power of such kisses.
Their fiery temperaments are ever questing for new delights, for variations, for delightful and artful ways
of adding to the pleasure of love. There is a poem extant written by a young Spanish poet to his
sloe-eyed, raven-tressed senorita. No doubt it was sung by him under her balcony while the romantic
moon streamed down liquid beams. But the poem quite amply describes this point of kissing with things
other than your lips.
Then she kisses with her eyelids,
Kisses with her arching eye-brows,
With her soft cheek softly rubbing,
With her chin and hands and fingers,
All the frame of Manuela,
All her blood and all her spirit,
All melt down to burning kisses.
There, Perhaps fifteen feet away from him, was the light of her love. Yet, by means of her eyes, she was
able to kiss him so that their love continued to flower.
THE EYELASH KISS
A variation of this eye kiss can be practiced as a tender diversion. After an intense period of "soul or
"vacuum kissing" has been indulged in and both lovers lie back tiredly, looking into each other's eyes ,
the-young man should lean over the face of the girl. But, instead of implanting his lips on hers, he should
bring his cheek into direct contact with her cheek again. Then, when this is done, he should lower his
eyelash so that they enmesh with the eyelash of his partner. This, of course, is done one eye at a time.
And when the enmeshing process is complete, each should gently raise and lower his or her eyelids. The
contact of the hair of the eyelash is one that is almost indescribable. Suffice it to say, it is a charming
bypath in the meadows of love that is pleasant, provocative and yet not exhausting.

THE "PAIN" KISS
A while back, mention was made of the "Pain kiss." It is with this seemingly paradoxical pleasure that
we shall deal with now. First of all, it is necessary to explain that, although an act can be painful, it can
still be pleasurable. The explanation is merely another indication of the variability of human nature. To
begin, there are some people who derive an extreme pleasure out of being whipped or burned or beaten.
There is no rational explanation for this strange, delight. The fact remains that they react pleasurably to
pain. These people are called masochists. Similarly, there are other people who derive the same pleasure
out of being the ones who inflict pain or perform the beating. Their abnormality, too, is inexplicable.
They are called sadists.
The point is this: these people have these strange desires in extremes. But normal people have similar
desires but they are not so strong. They are present only in minute degrees. That is why some of us
deliberately uncover ourselves in cold weather or continue to pick at a sore tooth although the act pains
us. It is for this reason that most of us are able to derive pleasure from the "pain kiss."
The "pain kiss" is simply a tiny bite, a love nip.
Catullus, who knew his kissing, if we are to judge from the many poems he left on the subject, once rote:
Whom wilt thou for thy lover choose?
Whose shall they call thee, false one, whose?
Who shall thy darted kisses sip,
While thy keen love-bites scar his lip?
THE "NIP" KISS
Horace, another Roman, whose kissing proclivities have come down through the ages because of his love
poems, also wrote something about the "nip-kiss" when he said:
Or on thy lips, the fierce, fond boy
Marks with his teeth the furious joy.
So you see, it is perfectly normal people, if you can call poets normal people, who indulge in the "pain
kiss" and derive intense pleasure from it. Punishment, after all, can be more than painful. For instance, in
another poem, a poet says:
And if she dared her lips to pout,
Like many pert young misses,
I'd wind my arms her waist about
And punish her with kisses.
Naturally, in the "nip-kiss" the kisser is not supposed to open his mouth like the maw of a lion. and then
sink his fangs into the delicate-flesh of the kissee. Ridiculous! The procedure is the same as the ordinary
kiss except that, instead of closing your lips with the kiss, you leave them slightly. open and, as though
you were going to nibble on a delicious tid-bit, take a playful nip into either the nape of the neck, the
cheek or the lips. just a nip is enough. And the resultant pleasure, I assure you, will more than
compensate for the slight inconvenience of pain.
Now there might be some of you who may wonder why such kissing subterfuges and substitutes are
necessary. It is only that man is a questing animal. He is never satisfied with the ordinary and
commonplace because the commonplace, after a time, becomes very boring. Not that I mean to infer that
the usual "lip-kiss" is commonplace.. Absolutely not. The "lip-kiss," as I have mentioned before, is the
piece de resistance, the main course in the "banquet of love" as the poet, Qvid, called it. But imagine a
meal in which there were seven courses of filet mignon or seven courses of lobster. You'd get sick and
tired of a tender filet after the third course, wouldn't you? And after the second lobster, you wouldn't be
able to look a lobster in the eye, that is, providing a lobster has eyes. So you see why it is that if the
lip-kiss were indulged in exclusively, you would reach a point where it would lose all of its rapturous
savor.
VARIATION, KISSES ARE THE SPICE OF LOVE
A variation 6f the "lip-kiss" can be performed very nicely. Instead of pressing the lips together at one
spot, start at one corner of the mouth and brush your closed lips across the entire mouth. A variation of
this, in turn, is to part your lips slightly and, with the tip of your tongue in the groove that separates the
two lips, brush your lips from side to side. Naturally, .additional variations to this last variation suggest
themselves immediately to the aware practitioner of the kiss. In fact, to such a person there should come
up hundreds of other variations to titillate and titivate the senses.
One such variation suggests itself. Technically, it is not exactly a variation but simply a variation in the
technique of the ordinary "lip-kiss." It employs the use of the ".delayed action" in its execution. The old
story of the fox and the grapes which were tantalizingly dangled over his head is the foundation for the
method. Simply, the procedure is this: just before lowering your lips for the kiss, instead of planting the
kiss, draw your head back again. Then, hold your lips in readiness but do not-kiss. Hold this position for
as long as possible the while you smile tantalizingly into the eyes of the girl. Finally, when both you and
she can stand the suspense no longer, then lower your lips, Slowly, as slowly as you possibly can, and
imprint the seal of-love onto the avid mouth of your loved one. After that, the technique calls for no
specific action. Kissing, like loving, is instinctive.
ELECTRIC KISSING PARTIES
Some few years ago, a very peculiar kissing custom arose which deserves mention here because, from it,
we can learn how to adapt the method to our modem devices. At that time, when young people got
together, they held, what was then known as, "electric kissing parties." Young people are ever on ' the
outlook for novel ways of entertaining themselves. In fact, when ether was first developed as an
anesthetic, the young bloods of the town used to form "ether-sniffing" parties in which they got a
perfectly squiffy ether "jag." But to return to the "electric kisses." An excerpt from a contemporary writer
will, perhaps, give us some idea of what happened.
"The ladies and gentlemen range themselves about the room. In leap year the ladies select a partner, and
together they shuffle about on the carpet until they are charged with electricity , the lights in the room
having been first turned low. Then they kiss in the dark; and make the sparks fly for the amusement of the
onlookers."
The same sort of experiment could be performed nowadays, on cold, dry nights when the air is
overloaded with electricity. But be certain that neither you nor your partner touches each other after
shuffling furiously on the carpet with your feet. Merely lean over slowly and, when your lips are about
half an inch apart, slow the process down even more until the spark jumps. However, considerable
practice should be had before this kiss variation can be done successfully. The natural reaction to this sort
of shock is to pull away from each other. But, try to resist this natural impulse because, if you do not kiss
the moment after the shock has been perpetrated, the pleasure will be all gone.
Once you have practiced this for Some time, you will become so innured to the slight shock that you will
seek more potent electric shocks. These can be obtained with the use of an electric vibrator or in fact, any
device that is worked from a battery and a coil which steps up the weak 3 volts of the battery. Shooting
galleries have electricity testing devices of this nature which have two handles. No matter what you use,
the method is as following: first you take hold of one pole of the live wire, of the handle of the machine,
if that is what you are using. Then, your partner should take hold of the other pole, or handle. This done,
bring your lips together until there is about an eighth of an inch separating your lips. At this moment,
turn the rheostat that increases the current. As soon as the charge is strong enough, a sudden, intense
spark will jump the gap of your lips. Again, learn not to flinch but to seize hold of the opportunity of
bringing your lips together in a grand, climactic kiss. The advantage of this, method is that you can
regulate the electrical charges go that, when you become innured to one strength, you can increase the
current almost indefinitely.
A word of warning, however, is apropos here. Be satisfied with the current generated by this battery set.
Don't be like a young friend of mine who discovered that the battery set, even at its highest output, was
too weak for him and his partner. Being of an experimental nature, he decided to see what would happen
were he to use the ordinary house current as the electrical stimulus. And so, together with his partner, he
placed himself in front of an electric wall outlet into which he had screwed a plug and a wire whose end
had been, frayed so that the two wires were separated. Taking hold of one wire, he advised the girl to
take hold of the other., Then, using the usual "electric-kiss" technique, he bent over and started to bring
his lips slowly towards the girl's lips. He got as far as about half an inch from her lips, and that's all.
Because, a moment later, he saw a blinding flame sear across his eyes and he felt an enormous blow jolt
him off his feet. When he came to enough to realize where he was, he found himself asprawl on the floor,
his girl friend in a similar position a few feet away. The result was a pair of burned lips and a combined
determination to stick to the old fashioned way of kissing. The burned lip will always spurn the flame.
THE DANCING KISS
The Dancing Kiss
A very pleasant way to kiss is found in the "dancing kiss." Here, again, it is the closeness of the bodies of
the participants that adds to the enjoyment. What more could a pair of lovers ask for than a dimly lighted
dance floor, the tender, rhythmical strains of a waltz being played by Wayne King, their arms around
each other, their eager young bodies kissing each other in a myriad of excitable places, the while, their
cheeks meet in glowing, velvety strokes? Naturally, in such situations, the rules of social etiquette w ill
not allow the pair to enjoy an extremely appropriate "lip kiss." Although this can very easily be
accomplished in the privacy of one's parlor while the radio is broadcasting the music. In fact, the "electric
kiss" can be ideally performed under these circumstances. But, when dancing in a public place, the only
kisses allowed would be those surreptitious ones stolen under the straying eye of the chaperone. Under
the pretense of whispering pretty nothings into your partner's shell of an ear, allow your lips to touch her
earlobe, her cheek and her chin. A few covert eye-kisses, perhaps, can be stolen in this manner, too. But,
these stolen sweets should suffice the happy couple until they return home,. Then, stimulated by the
forepleasure of these previous non-lip kisses, the pair can indulge in all the variations listed in this
booklet, to their hearts' and their lips' content. The while they recall, perhaps, those lines from Sir John
Suckling's "Ballad of a Wedding," which went:
Oh, they sudden up -and rise and dance;
Then sit again, and sigh, and glance;
Then dance again, and kiss.
THE SURPRISE KISS
A most charming manner of kissing is called the "surprise kiss." This is performed when one of the
parties has fallen asleep, on the sofa, let us say. On entering the room, when the other sees his lover
asleep, he should tip-toe softly over to her. Then, lowering his head slowly, he should implant a soft,
downy, feathery kiss squarely on her lips. This first kiss should be a very light one. -But, thereafter, the
intensity of the kisses should increase until the sleeping one has awakened. and, of course, even beyond
that. The effect of such an awakening to a sleeper is almost heavenly. For, while in the midst of a dream,
a pleasant one, most likely, for it will concern the other half of the couple, she feels vaguely, faintly, as
though it were the touch of a butterfly's wing, a subtle kiss on her lips. Naturally, in the depths of her
sleep, she imagines that it is part of her dream and the result. is a pleasant sensation, indeed. Then,
gradually, athough still asleep, she feels the kisses continue. And the pleasantness continues. Then, as she
starts to come out of her sleep, she realizes that the kisses are to real for a dream. But she is sure that she
is dreaming. And so, immediately, a relapse from the happiness sets in and a twinge of sadness comes
over her because she knows that', instead of being with her lover, she is only dreaming of him. Imagine,
then, her extreme gratification, when, while thinking these drab thoughts, she feels the actuality of an
intense, ardent kiss on her lips. Her heart flutters wildly. Her pulse runs riot. Perhaps she is not asleep,
she argues to herself. Then she opens her eyes. And she sees the darling face f her beloved bending over
her. And she feels the sensuous touch of his lips on hers. Truly, no awakening can be more pleasurable!
KISSING UNDER THE MISTLETOE
Perhaps, in conclusion, it would be appropriate to make mention of a few kissing customs which have
intrigued mankind. For instance, there is the rite of kissing under the mistletoe, at Christmas time. The
origin of this custom is uncertain. Suffice it to say, it must have been started by some woman because, in,
it, She rule is that if a woman is caught standing under a sprig of mistletoe, any man has the right to kiss
her, peremptorily, without asking her permision or begging her pardon. Here is one time when social
convention doses its eyes to lover's delights. For, then, you can seize hold of the girl with impunity and
smack her to your heart's content without being socially ostracized for it.
KISSING GAMES
One wonders at the prevalence of kissing games in this civilization. Games on the order of "Postoffice,"
"Kiss the Pillow" and innumerable others which have been devised for the jovial disports of lovers. In
these games, because they are games, it is perfectly legitimate for two people to lass. In fact, in the game
Postoffice" this kissing is encouraged behind closed doors where- the happy couple are alone in a room.
The game is so widespread that comment in regard to the manner in which it is played would be
extraneous here. But, what would make an excellent topping off for this booklet, would be a conjecture
as to the reason for the prevalence of such games, even during the. dreaded Victorian -times , when
etiquette was so strict that the dictum was made forbidding the placing of a book by a female author next
to a book written by a man!
These kissing games existed and shall continue to exist because man and woman must kiss. In fact, man
is the only animal who uses the kiss to express his love and affection. Dogs, cats and bears lick their
offspring. Horses and cows rub noses and necks. Birds nestle together.
But, only mankind kisses.
Only mankind has the reason, the logic, the happy faculty of being able to appreciate the charm, the
beauty, the extreme pleasure, the joy, the passionate fulfillment of the kiss! Nature kisses, in her way, but
nature hasn't the brains to profit from the kiss. Only man can do this.
Perhaps it would be appropriate to conclude this summary of the art of kissing with an excerpt from
Shelley's immortal poem in which occur the following lines:
See the mountains kiss high heaven,
And the waves-clasp one another.
No sister flower would be forgiven
If it disdained its brother.
And the sunlight clasps the earth,
And the moonbeams kiss the sea;
What are are these kissings worth
If thou kiss not me?

(This article is taken from ART OF KISSING)

UNDERSTANDING RELATIONSHIP

2009-04-25T01:36:00.000-07:00

Explaining the nature of attraction and bonding patterns, and how bonding patterns affect our relationships, this article is a must if you wish to know why you attract into your life the people you do, and how to understand your relationships with people, particularly with those close to you.
We all conduct our relationships with other people using our personality. Our personality, however, is made up of various parts, which can be called subpersonalities or selves. So when we relate with others there are quite a few different selves involved in our relationships. This is why relationships are never simple or easy. It is rather like there are two families or two groups relating, and not just two people. This is why sometimes we feel caring towards our partner and at other times we want to be cared for; it is why sometimes we admire a quality in our partner tremendously and at other times we see that same quality as a fault; and why sometimes something our partner does amuses us and at other times that same action irritates us.
The selves which constitute our psyches include parental selves, child selves, rational selves, emotional selves and many more. We all have selves which we identify with and call ‘me’. These are our primary selves. We also have selves that we have repressed, which are our disowned selves. These disowned selves affect our actions, feelings and relationships as much as our primary selves do. In fact, they also strongly influence what kind of people we get into relationships with.
So it is important to gain an understanding of who your primary and disowned selves are if you wish to understand and enjoy your relationships fully and if you wish to be in relationship with the people you actually choose to be in relationship with.
How do you know who your primary and disowned selves are? The qualities that you admire excessively or overvalue in others, and those qualities that you really judge in others, give you a good indication of who your disowned selves are. So if you really admire someone who is an artist and you think that they are better than you because of their artistic ability, then you have probably disowned your own artistic self and you might have as a primary self a very logical, practical self. And if you really can't stand someone who is blatantly selfish and you judge them for being selfish, then you have probably disowned your selfishness and have as a primary self a giving self.
What you have disowned and what is primary in you, also gives you a good indication of what kinds of people you will be attracted to and enter into relationship with.
The two main scenarios are:
1. You will like people who have similar primary selves to you, and you will dislike people who’s primary selves are your disowned selves. You will usually choose as friends those people who's primary selves you like.
2. You will be attracted to people who carry your disowned selves, either the positive ones or negative ones. Usually we will enter into quite intense relationships with people who carry our disowned selves.
For example, Mary is a warm, kind, giving sort of person; she is artistic and kind of flows with life. One evening at a party, Mary meets John. John is powerful, self-contained, confident and successful. He is a lawyer. They are introduced to each other and begin to talk. Mary is impressed by John’s strength, focus and powerful energy. John is attracted to Mary’s warmth, relaxed attitude and lightness, and her different way of seeing things. They start seeing each other and a relationship develops.
Soon they fall in love. They find each other perfect. Mary feels completely accepted, as John loves her totally, and the same with John. They both feel safe with each other so their defences go down - their primary selves relax a little. This enables them both to have access to modes of expression or selves they previously didn’t have access to. John finds that he can enjoy going to the art gallery and lazing around on Sunday, when previously he’d work all day. Mary finds access to her power and focus and starts taking action with organising exhibitions of her artwork. She even sells her paintings when previously she would give them away for free. Nothing could be better.
Eventually they move in with each other, but after some months things change. Those qualities that John had found so attractive in Mary - her easy-goingness, her relaxed attitude to everything, her tendency to always be available to friends when they need her, now annoy him. And those things Mary loved about John, his strength and focus and organisational ability, now seem to be too stifling and hard.
One day, John has had a really bad day in court and he comes home feeling awful. He walks into the house and sees mess everywhere - paints, brushes, canvasses, and Mary with an old shirt with paint splattered all over it. He gets annoyed and criticises her for the mess. She gets defensive and tells him he’s too tidy and that he should loosen up a little. But then she becomes apologetic as she can see he’s angry and really upset. He then feels guilty about telling her off. But then she gets angry at him and yells at him.
Does this sound familiar? Can you see that Mary’s disowned selves are John’s primary selves and vice versa? They reflect each other. John judges in Mary what he has disowned in himself and Mary judges in John what she has disowned in herself. At first they liked the opposite qualities in each other, in fact it was the opposite qualities that attracted them to each other in the first place. This is what happens when you disown some part of yourself - you are attracted to it because your psychological system wants to become whole. So you’re drawn to it outside of yourself if you don’t acknowledge it inside. But as soon as a stress occurs in this type of situation, as with Mary and John when John had a bad day, the attraction to the disowned self in the other person stops, as your defences come up, and your primary selves become dominant again. They then judge what is unlike them in your partner. This leads to what is called a negative bonding pattern.
Bonding patterns occur in all types of relationships. A bonding pattern is like a blueprint for how we interact with others. Bonding patterns are based on the initial parent/child bonding we all experienced as infants. They activate a parental self in one person and child self in the other. In male/female relationships, a daughter part of a woman will bond with a father part of the man and vice versa. Bonding patterns are fluid; we kind of flow from identifying with a parental self to identifying with a child self and back again, and so does the person we are bonding with.
And this is what happened with Mary and John. When John came home from work after losing his case, he felt vulnerable. His whole identity as a successful lawyer had been threatened. But instead of admitting to himself and to Mary that he was upset and needed some support, which is really admitting responsibility for his Vulnerable Child self, he, in order to maintain his self-protection and to not feel vulnerable, fell into his main primary self. From here he judges Mary for her opposite characteristics. Then, when she felt that her primary self was judged and criticised by John, she became defensive. Her Vulnerable Child felt awful about being criticised, but because she is also not aware of its existence, she fell into her primary self, which is judgmental of John. (We fall into our primary selves automatically when our vulnerability is threatened because when we were infants the reason our primary selves developed was to protect our vulnerability.)
So the bonding pattern here can be described as follows: when John came home from work, his Critical Father self bonded with Mary’s Defensive Daughter self, and then Mary flipped into Angry Mother self and John into Guilty Son self.
This is a negative bonding pattern because the feelings activated are negative. Negative bonding patterns occur because we identify with only a part of ourselves and they are triggered when we feel vulnerable. When you’re feeling vulnerable, what do you do? You get defensive, and you attack the other person. If you don’t attack them, then often you feel self-righteous about your point of view. Either way, the other person flips into defensive mode also and it is usually in some way opposite to what you are expressing.
Now all this is going on at the subconscious level of your mind. All you’re aware of is that uncomfortable feeling, which you try to get rid of, and then you feel defensive, angry and judgmental toward your partner. You both keep arguing from your individual perspective and nothing is resolved. It’s almost like the more you argue the more both of you are pushed into opposite extremes.
It’s like a see saw. If one of you goes all the way up, the other goes all the way down.
There are also positive bonding patterns. With the example of Mary and John, the Responsible Father self in John looks after Mary by providing her with a space and materials so she can paint. He supports her and encourages her. He is bonded with her Pleasing Daughter self who tries to paint the best artworks she can, to please him. Then the pattern switches when as a thankyou for his support, she cooks him fantastic dinners and eagerly waits for him to come home so she can feed him and look after him. When she is in this Nurturing Mother self, he goes into Needy Son self and enjoys her attentions. This is a positive bonding pattern because the feelings are good.
Bonding patterns are our primary way of making contact with others; they are the way in which we are able to give and receive nurturing, just as in the above example, and as in the original infant/parent bonding. However, when we are in a bonding pattern we lose some of our vitality and spontaneity. Because they are like a blueprint, they force us to behave in ways that are only a part of our being. We are compelled to act in a certain way. Positive bonding patterns, even though they feel so good and loving, dampen passion in a relationship. When you’re a Needy Child, for instance, how can you relate with your partner in an adult way? There’s nothing more anti-passion than one of you being in a Nurturing Parent self and the other in a Needy Child self - you can give an receive affection but little else.
This is one of the most common reasons why long-term relationships fail. How often have you heard people say that they have basically become good friends but there’s nothing else left? They still love each other but only in a parent/child or good friends manner.
Another example of a bonding pattern in a non-argument situation is as follows: Let’s say that I tend to be more tidy around the house than my husband. He’s not really messy usually, but generally has a higher tolerance level to mess than I have. But the tidier I become, or the more I start to act as though my way of being is right, the more messy my husband becomes, messier than he usually is. When I’m in Tidy Mother self, he bonds with me is Messy Son. The more I want him to be tidy and the more I judge him for not being tidy, the messier he becomes.
Yet, when I visit my mother, I play the messy role. As she is more identified than I am with being tidy, I go into the opposite and bond with her in Messy Daughter self. And she judges me for being messy from her Tidy Mother self.
This illustrates that bonding patterns force us into acting in a certain manner, and that this manner is not necessarily the way we are. It illustrates how strong the pull is between two people when there is no awareness in the situation. This leads to repeated arguments and it is almost as though we have no control over the argument.
The wonderful thing though, is that we do not have to be stuck in bonding patterns. We can learn to separate from our primary selves and step back from our bondings with others. This involves becoming aware of our primary selves as only a part of us and not as all of who we are. And it means developing an ego that can be aware of the totality of our being.
You can work on your bonding patterns using Voice Dialogue either individually or as a couple. Being facilitated individually will give you an understanding of yourself and will help you to understand your role in your relationships with others. If you are interested in working on your relationship as a couple, you can both participate in a Voice Dialogue session with a facilitator and together work on your bonding patterns using this technique. Both options will be invaluable for your relationships.
(The type of ego referred to above is called an Aware Ego. An Aware Ego allows us to acknowledge our Vulnerable Child and to see what our disowned selves are. What is usually referred to as the ego in traditional psychology is in most cases a primary self. An Aware Ego can separate from a primary self and is able to embrace opposite selves.)